Whilst I have loved my time here in Cuenca relaxing, learning Spanish and sleeping in a room to myself, I would really liked to have eaten dinner tonight with another person.
Most of the time, I’m fine eating alone. I’m actually happy doing most things alone. I enjoy my own company, am content to see and do things by myself including sitting in a restaurant or café to eat. Sure I will get the occasional strange look from locals seated near me, or a waiter who’s face shows surprise when I walk in and say I’m just one, but that’s the life of a solo traveler. Usually I have my iPhone and the internet to keep me company, and if not I’m happy to just sit and watch the people around me.
But tonight I really would’ve liked someone to join me for dinner.
As usual I sat alone in a nice café and enjoyed a sandwich and hot chocolate, but tonight it made me want to cry. Maybe it’s because I’ve had a stressful day of visas and travel planning, or maybe it’s because I’ve hit the three month mark and miss my friends and family, but all I really wanted tonight was to sit with good people and enjoy a glass of wine, food and conversation.
It’s funny what you don’t realise you’re going to miss until it’s not there. Living the traveler life in hostels surrounded by other people means my life is pretty full. I meet new people everyday, have unbelievable adventures and see amazing things. This means that the ‘down time’ I’m having at the moment is refreshing. I can take a break from my usual fast-paced existence and resettle myself, reflecting and remembering why I love this crazy life so much.
I don’t usually drink alcohol when I’m alone, I just don’t enjoy it the way I do when I’m with others. I realised today that I haven’t had a glass of wine in about five weeks, and that’s also how many weeks I’ve eaten every meal alone. But I certainly haven’t been in total isolation. I’ve lived like a local in this city and met great people, however the connections I’ve made have been at arm’s length not developing into dinner companions.
As I sat eating my sandwich tonight there was a group of three women at the table across from me. All in their fifties they were thoroughly enjoying themselves talking and laughing as lifetime friends do. It’s such a simple thing to enjoy a meal with someone, but one that can be incredibly intimate and enjoyable. As I sat listening to them speak in Spanish trying to understand their conversation, thoughts of how isolated I am here started to drift into my mind. That feeling of isolation was further enhanced when I went to pay for my meal and didn’t understand any of what the waitress was saying to me. After a week and a half at Spanish school I had no idea what she was saying at all. Then one of the women who’s conversation I’d been eavesdropping on spoke to me in English and translated what the waitress had said. I thanked her for helping me and walked out the door feeling like the world’s lonliest failure.
I didn’t understand the waitress. I didn’t have anyone next to me to commiserate or laugh with, and I didn’t get a glass of wine. Some days eating alone just sucks.
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